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The Onion’s “9 MUST-FOLLOW Al-Qaeda Leaders On Twitter”

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Wednesday, June 5, 2013 at 3:24 PM

I haven’t given you all a Moment of Zen in oh-so-long, but fear not dear readers, I haven’t abandoned you in your thirst for national security snark. Check out this slideshow from America’s Finest News Source:

Khalid al-Habib (@The_REAL_KhalidAlHabib): A big name in social media circles as well as the Afghan war front, al-Qaeda’s top field commander is known for his ongoing Twitter feuds with moderate Shiites, the Muslim Brotherhood, and the 9/11 Truth movement.

Khalid al-Habib (@The_REAL_KhalidAlHabib): A big name in social media circles as well as the Afghan war front, al-Qaeda’s top field commander is known for his ongoing Twitter feuds with moderate Shiites, the Muslim Brotherhood, and the 9/11 Truth movement.

Abdullah Ahmed Abdullah (@abdullahsquared): The architect of embassy bombings in Dar es Salaam and Nairobi, this veteran al-Qaeda head has just recently joined Twitter, and his tweets are already making a big splash—he’s routinely RTed by such Twitter megastars as @Shaq and @aplusk.
Abdullah Ahmed Abdullah (@abdullahsquared): The architect of embassy bombings in Dar es Salaam and Nairobi, this veteran al-Qaeda head has just recently joined Twitter, and his tweets are already making a big splash—he’s routinely RTed by such Twitter megastars as @Shaq and @aplusk.
Abu Hasan al-Yemeni (@AbuLoves9_11): A true social media success story, this previous unknown was discovered on Twitter by al-Qaeda and hired on the spot for his radical anti-Western rants and popular Vine videos of infidel beheadings.
Abu Hasan al-Yemeni (@AbuLoves9_11): A true social media success story, this previous unknown was discovered on Twitter by al-Qaeda and hired on the spot for his radical anti-Western rants and popular Vine videos of infidel beheadings.
Abu Sufyan al-Azdi (@InfidelKillah): This Arabian Peninsula number two is credited with creating the wildly popular Twitter hashtags #YouMightBeAZionistDog and #ShariaLiving, though he curiously has not posted since January.
Abu Sufyan al-Azdi (@InfidelKillah): This Arabian Peninsula number two is credited with creating the wildly popular Twitter hashtags #YouMightBeAZionistDog and #ShariaLiving, though he curiously has not posted since January.
Abu Yahya al-Libi (@MrMujahideen): Al-Libi’s insights on IED-making and the current season of Mad Men have repeatedly landed him on “Best Tweets” lists on the Huffington Post, Happy Place, BloodOfHolyMartyrs.com, and Yahoo.
Abu Yahya al-Libi (@MrMujahideen): Al-Libi’s insights on IED-making and the current season of Mad Men have repeatedly landed him on “Best Tweets” lists on the Huffington Post, Happy Place, BloodOfHolyMartyrs.com, and Yahoo.
Andrew Parker (@AndrewNathanParker88): This citizen from the American heartland has steadily risen the ranks of al-Qaeda, making frequent cryptic remarks about the blood of believers and infidels mingling in holy fire on August 18.
Andrew Parker (@AndrewNathanParker88): This citizen from the American heartland has steadily risen the ranks of al-Qaeda, making frequent cryptic remarks about the blood of believers and infidels mingling in holy fire on August 18.
Saif Al Nahari (@caliphatboy): Kandahar Province represent! Al Nahari is proof that when it comes to breeding holy Twitter warriors, this southern Afghan region has it all over Riyadh.
Saif Al Nahari (@caliphatboy): Kandahar Province represent! Al Nahari is proof that when it comes to breeding holy Twitter warriors, this southern Afghan region has it all over Riyadh.
Jamal Ahmad Mohammad Al Badawi (@JAMABADAWI): His tweets may be very, ahem, opinionated, but that’s what we love about this Yemeni al-Qaeda associate who helped plan the 2000 USS Cole bombing!
Jamal Ahmad Mohammad Al Badawi (@JAMABADAWI): His tweets may be very, ahem, opinionated, but that’s what we love about this Yemeni al-Qaeda associate who helped plan the 2000 USS Cole bombing!
Larry Ellison (@larryellison): The Oracle CEO and high-ranking al-Qaeda operative is just as well-known for his multi-billion-dollar tech empire as his incisive, biting tweets urging the world’s militant Islamists to rise up and purge the world of the Western infidels.
Larry Ellison (@larryellison): The Oracle CEO and high-ranking al-Qaeda operative is just as well-known for his multi-billion-dollar tech empire as his incisive, biting tweets urging the world’s militant Islamists to rise up and purge the world of the Western infidels.
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